Now I Know What It Means
Filed Under life lessons | Posted on December 21, 2008
My God, everyone is right. People say that over the holidays is truly when you realize the heartbreak of losing someone you love. The loss of my mother is still very fresh but it is getting worse not better at all. I actually picked up the phone to call her the other day…so stupid.
I missed the cheese basket this Thanksgiving that she always sends and the cards for the holidays where she offfers support, encouragement and love. I won’t be getting them from her anymore. I miss the phone calls the most.
I am going to move on and enlist the support of my family. Losing such a beautiful person who has affected so many lives is so difficult but I am sure she would be miserable to know that I am having such difficulty dealing with this. She raised me to be strong and for the most part I have been but she was my number one supporter without fail.
My mom wrote me a thank you note after visiting me in August and I have kept it by my side ever since. She was so absolutely appreciative because I tried my hardest to make her happy and comfortable during her stay. Can you believe that? The woman who adopted me and loved me with all her heart was happy to because I wanted to return the favor.
That is the woman I miss more than anything.
I am so lucky to have been her daughter.
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One Response to “Now I Know What It Means”
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Oh Laura, I’m so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. No doubt this Christmas will be difficult… the ‘firsts’ of every occasion without someone so close to you is always hard.
My mother passed away in May, and I just spoke to my Dad yesterday about this too. Their first anniversary without her was sooo hard for him, then came Thanksgiving… and now Christmas. It seems so empty without her here, and not shopping for a Christmas present for her leaves me with a sinking feeling.
But I agree with you when you said that your mother would not wish to see you grieving this way. My sister’s psychic relayed to her that my mother was worried about the guilt I was carrying (probably over a few issues we had in life.) She wanted me to let go of it all. Your belief system may be different from mine, but the way I see it is that we are really grieving for US - those of us left behind - not necessarily for the person who has passed - although, of course we are grieving the fact that they are ‘gone’. I believe (and this was also relayed by the psychic) that my mother is truly happy now, and pain-free. Finally, after years & years of medical treatment for her 5 strokes, and diabetes, among other ailments that popped up. So she is not among us, but she is well. And that is what holds me together.
I truly do miss my Mom, but I know that she will be watching over us this Christmas, and we will ALWAYS have our memories of Christmases past.
Remember the good times you spent with your mother - they will hold you. And remember what you yourself said: that she would be happier to see YOU happy! I truly wish you all the best, and wish you a blessed Christmas.
~Corina~